


ashes to ashes

by TooNerdyToHandle



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Canon deviation, Canonical Character Death, Dad Pike, Gen, Star Trek: Into Darkness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-28
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2019-02-07 19:52:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12848343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooNerdyToHandle/pseuds/TooNerdyToHandle
Summary: AU where Chris Pike is still the captain of the Enterprise.Jim still walks into the core.Pike is the one to receive the call from Scotty.





	ashes to ashes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gracieminabox](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gracieminabox/gifts).



_ Better get down here, sir. Better hurry.  _ Scott’s call isn’t even a warning it’s a confirmation. Chris had already been in the process of assembling the puzzle pieces that spelled out only one thing; Jim Kirk had waltz right into the warp core and fixed it. Exposure to that level of radiation was fatal. Always. Everytime. 

He’s fairly sure he’s never run this fast in his life. 

Of course Jim wouldn’t let the ship go down. 

Len was on board. 

Phil was on board. 

Chris was on board. 

Sulu, Chekov, Spock, Uhura, Scott…. Nearly every person left in the universe that Jim Kirk loved was on this ship. No, he wouldn’t let it go down. He wouldn’t let someone else die to stop it from going down either. This was a very Jim Kirk solution. 

He reaches engineering in record time. Soctty’s standing there waiting. The beginnings of a promising bruise are spreading across his cheek. He barely makes eye contact with Chris before he looks away and shakes his head. 

The walk to the core door feels like a century. Chris’s brain keeps reminding him over and over  _ this is real this is real this is real _ . He reaches the door, sees the sight he never wanted to see, and turns back to Scotty. “The decom sequence, how much longer?” 

“A little under three minutes, sir.” 

_ He’s not going to make it that long. _

Chris crouches down in front of the door. He tries to maintain control of his emotions. It’s useless the second Jim makes eye contact. 

“How’s the ship?” Jim asks. The moisture in Chris’s eyes spills over. He would recognize Jim Kirk’s voice anywhere. This is not it, it can not be it  _ damn it, damn it, DAMN IT! _

“Out of danger for now. Jesus, Jim, what the hell were you thinking?” It’s an unnecessary question. Chris is well aware of what Jim was thinking. 

“Just thinking about what you would do.” A choked noise exits Chris’s mouth instead of words. He leans forward, pressing his forehead and a hand to the glass. Jim makes a noise that sounds like an attempt to take a deep breath. “God, Chris, it hurts.” 

“I know, son, I know it does. Just a couple more minutes, alright? Just hang on a couple more minutes, you’re so close.” He looks to Jim who now has a hand pressed to the glass over Chris’s, almost like he’s trying to reach through the glass to get to Chris, like a scared child trying to get to their parent. 

_ He is a scared child. You have a ship full of scared children right now.  _

“Listen to me, Jim. I’m so proud of you. So, so, proud of you.” Something akin to a smile falls on Jim’s lips. “I know I tell you you’re a pain in my ass, but I’m so unbelievably proud of you, alright? I just need you to hold on for a couple more minutes, son, please.” 

But Jim is fading fast and Chris can see it and he’s just  _ sitting there  _ completely helpless. His brain takes a quick moment to acknowledge that he’s never meant calling Jim “son” more than he does in this moment. 

Jim tries to take another deep breath. It won’t come. “I’m scared, Dad.” 

It’s just loud enough for Chris to hear and just enough to send him into full panic. He whips his head around to his chief engineer who’s been unable to do anything but watch. “Open the door! For the love of God, open the damn door!” Chris’s voice sounds high and panicked. Scotty just shakes his head. He’s crying. 

“I can’t, sir. The whole compartment will flood with radiation. There’s still a minute left in the decom sequence. There’s nothing I can do, sir.” 

_ Of course there’s nothing. Nothing but sit here and watch and fuck’s sake why Jim?!  _

Jim is barely holding on when Chris turns back to him. He’s trying desperately to suck in air but nothing’s coming. 

“Just another minute, Jim, please. Hang on just another minute and we’ll get you to Len and Phil. Just one more minute, son, less than a minute left.” 

But Jim’s hand is slipping down the glass and his eyes are sliding shut. 

His attempts for air are getting further and further apart. 

“Jim! Jim stay awake!” 

The gasps for air come to an abrupt halt. Jim’s hand slips to the bottom of the door. 

There’s still a sliver of blue peeking out from under his eyelids. 

“ _ NO!”  _ the cry sounds inhuman, even to Chris. 

The world slips from Chris’s notice. 

_ Not my boy, not my boy, please not my boy!  _ His mind repeats it over and over.  _ Not. My. Boy!  _

He’s only aware he’s been screaming it out loud when the world refocuses and centers on Phil holding him up against the wall. His throat burns with the words as he finishes the phrase one last time. 

“Chris, listen to me, you have to breathe, okay? Just breathe.” Phil’s telling him. “You’re hyperventilating, and I need to you to  _ breathe _ .” There’s tear tracks on Phil’s face, fresh ones, but he’s managing to hold it together for the moment being. 

Chris, for the life of him, cannot seem to catch his breath. 

_ Jim is dead, Jim is dead, Jim is dead, Jim is dead.  _

He catches sight of Len by the door to the warp core. He’s watching hazmat suits zip Jim into a body bag. He looks dazed. Confused. There are tears running down his cheeks that he doesn’t even seem to be aware of. 

Chris’s knees buckle, and he loses what little control he had over his breathing. His vision is starting to get fuzzy at the edges. His brain supplies the term  _ panic attack _ as Phil slowly lowers the two of them to the floor. 

“Chris, love, you need to breathe. You’re not getting enough oxygen, you’re going to pass out if you don’t start breathing.” 

Phil instructs Chris to breathe with him. Chris tries, he really does. But his brain can’t get past  _ Jim is dead, Len is alone _ . 

Phil’s warning of passing out fulfills itself. 

**Author's Note:**

> WOO I AM SO SORRY IF THAT HURT YOU AS MUCH AS IT DID ME.   
> This came up during a conversation with Gracie (who this is gifted to and who got me into the deep pit of Chris Pike love I am currently in) and I just had to write it.   
> So uh. Yeah. Sorry.   
> My bad.


End file.
